How to be kind to your mind:

 
 

Dealing With Your Inner Critic

Everyone has a their own ‘inner voice’’ - that voice in your head which is sometimes helpful — reminding you of homework, cheering you on, or keeping you safe. But other times, that same voice can be critical. Sometimes we are way harsher on ourselves and say things in our own heads we wouldn’t dream of saying to a friend.  It’s important to tune in to the way you speak to yourself and to replace that ‘inner critic’ with an inner friend’.

The ‘inner critic’ might tell you you’re not good enough, make you doubt yourself, or replay embarrassing moments which make you feel bad and if you always listen to it, it can knock your confidence.  We all have an ‘inner critic’ but taking steps to notice when we are being hard on ourselves and to replace the ‘harsh self talk’ of the inner critic with the same kindness we would offer a friend can really make us feel happier.

Spotting the Negative Voice

Your inner critic might sound like:

  • “Don’t bother trying, you’ll mess it up.”

  • “You should look better.”

  • “You’re not as smart as everyone else.”

Would you ever talk to a friend like that? Probably not.  Think about your own negative inner voice (we all have it) and follow the steps below to replace it with an ‘inner friend’.

Taking Back Control

You can’t stop negative thoughts from popping up, but you can control how you deal with them:

  • Give it a name. If you call your inner critic a name it’s easier to argue back and not take it so seriously.  Try out a few and see what suits… “bossy beak, donkey, naglet”

  • Talk back with facts. If the voice says, “You’re useless,” remind yourself of things you’ve achieved or times you’ve done well.  You could start to keep a positive notebook of achievements where you write down things you are proud of or maybe positive comments from teachers or friends.  You can flick through on a tough day and remind yourself of all the great things about you.

  • Flip the script. Change “I can’t do this” into “I’m only learning - it takes time and practice to know how to do things.”

  • Be kinder to yourself. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Failing at something doesn’t make you a failure — it just makes you human.  Remember:  Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new - Albert Einstein

  • Slow down. Many people find that meditation can really support them to slow down their thinking so they are better able to recognise harsh self-talk and replace it with a kinder voice - you could start with short meditations and build from there. Research shows it can really help - why not give it a try. Find out more here.

A Better Conversation With Yourself

Your inner voice will always be around, but it doesn’t have to run the show. The more you practice challenging it, the quieter it becomes. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend: with encouragement, patience, and respect.

✨ Key idea: You don’t have to silence your inner critic — you just have to learn how to recognise it and to replace it with a kinder voice like you would offer a friend. Remember - if you wouldn’t say it to a friend it’s not OK to say it to yourself. Be kind - you deserve it.

Taming Your Inner Critic

Step 1: Spot the Critic

Think about the negative voice in your head. What kinds of things does it say? Write down two examples.

  • My inner critic often says: ______________________________________________

  • My inner critic often says: ______________________________________________

Step 2: Talk Back With Kindness

Now, challenge those thoughts. What’s a kinder or more realistic response you could give yourself?

  • Instead of saying: ____________________________________
    I could say: _________________________________________

  • Instead of saying: ____________________________________
    I could say: _________________________________________

Step 3: Give It a Name

Sometimes it helps to give your inner critic a silly name (like “Naglet” or “Tinybeak” or “Donkey”) so you remember not to take it too seriously. You could even draw a picture of it and put a big X through it and put it somewhere you will see it every day to remind you to replace “Donkey Naglet Tinybeak Junior” with the same kind voice you would offer a friend.

  • My inner critic’s name is: ___________________________

Step 4: Remember Your Happy Things

List 3 things you’re proud of — big or small. These are your “reminders” to show your critic it’s wrong.

Bodywhys Youth Panel Tip: You could start a notebook of achievements or start a jar and add proud moments or compliments on pieces of paper to the jar - if you’re having a tough day, pick out a few to read and lift your mood.

Step 5: Be a Friend to Yourself

Imagine your best friend said the same negative things your inner critic says. What would you tell them? Write your answer here:

✨ Takeaway: Your inner critic doesn’t get the final word. You always have the power to answer back with kindness and facts.

Useful Resources + links: Body Image

🎥 Video: Gerry Hussey talks about silencing the inner critic watch here

💻 Website: For information on meditation see here.

💻 Website: For additional information on self compassion - click here

💻 Website: For information on dealing with self criticism - click here

🎧 Podcast: Listen to psychotherapist Sharon Martin discuss how to add more self-compassion into your life - click here.

💻 Website: This website has free guided exercises to practice self-compassion.